Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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