how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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