I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
