my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
