hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
