I can't watch pbs sober anymore
your room smells of hookers.
And success
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
