just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
