Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
