to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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