Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
