YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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