Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
