He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
