he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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