im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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