I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she smelled like a LAN party
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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