I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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