omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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