went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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