Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
