so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
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YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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