He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
