your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
