I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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