Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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