Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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