it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
