Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
