so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
