I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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