You just made me feel so damn special
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
