meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
