the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
