we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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