Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
her facebook's as public as her vagina
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
