so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
