Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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