in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just found puke in my bra..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
