Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
