Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
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Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
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You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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