I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
