I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
