I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
