Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
