I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
