need another drink. this is the easiest way
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
