i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
MIDGETS
????
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
