Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
