Please, let me fuck your mom
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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