just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
