The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
