I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
