you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
