a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
