its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
