You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
