how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
