So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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