Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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