Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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