i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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