at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
