he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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