At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
