i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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