C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
