Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
