I murdered the dance floor call the cops
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
