there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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