ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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