make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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