last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
