Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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