He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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