yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Randomize
