Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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