So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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