From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
