Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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