Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
