I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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