Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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