Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
