I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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